Barbara (unfinished) the story the full story. A.

 There was always a reason why I could not live without her.

I could not talk to people, go places on my own, everyone accept her was evil or extremely stupid.

Mary came to stay after Barbara started to take on her… ways.

I noticed it four months into my life with Barbara that she was up to something. She was mentally ill and wanted my… she wanted my life to be harder than it was so she could comfort me and gain my trust.

My trust is what she wanted. She had toxic tactics that rolled off of me like water. This was making her extremely mad and calculating. Grasping for reasons why she could take all my money.It was incredibly hard to begin not to trust her.

It was during this time I prayed to angels and Mary came to stay.

There was always a reason according to Barbara that how and 

Why doing what my heart loved was “totally impractical”

Is it? Is this real?

What is real?

Mary and me live within our means like reincarnated monk nuns

Because the freedom of creativity is worth everything. Oh to have our own minds!

Independent! Fuck capitalism!

Barbara damned me to hell the day after Mary came to stay a friend of mine who I love.

Barbara found reasons why I shouldn’t trust Mary over her. Although me and Mary were seeing the same very dire scary things from Barbara. We’re not dummies.

Barbara desired to have power of attorney over me. She stole my medical records and Rays. To prove I was too disabled to live on my own so she could be payed as my caretaker.

My “communications fascilitator”

The amount of work I had to do to remain clear headed on my own two feet with my own judgement in her presence was unbelievably difficult.

She’d say “ how does it feel to be so helpless and disabled?” “ I’m sorry”

She pulled all my documents out of the closet two days after Chris moved out.

She took them home with her as I protested she said 

“ don’t you trust me? I’m here for you. You’ve never had anyone here for you, I’m doing what your mother would do.”

There wasn’t enough in the documents. She wanted my finances. 

She hired a lawyer under the rousse that it would be to divorce Chris.

It was to dig into finances. She hired a notary telling me it was for the divorce.

She put her name on my finances. A book my aunt gave me as a girl was my only reference as I invested in stocks as a kid.

At that point I was really up a creek.

She had my whole life and future in her hands and I wasn’t believing any of the lies she was telling me.

She could take me and my aunt sue to court, had she been smarter or more cold blooded.

With my illegally obtained medical records as proof of my bad eyesight or any stretched truth she desired…. For everything I’m worth.

It could have been very very bad.

She’d bring me gifts, she’d sing to ray, she’d show up at the house.

In a way this time was an artificial love bomb trick she was pulling.

She knew I needed my mom during the process of coming out again and divorcing Christ to start a new life. And she didn’t want me to have that life because it didn’t support what she wanted from me. Money.

Is Barbara being…evil? This is a question I asked when the need to be myself with two feet on the proud was possible and indeed very practical. 

Barbara would say you’re just being a rebellious teenager! Can’t you trust me!!! 

She was so mad when I didn’t go with her bullshit.

I’d installed a sprinkler system to water my vegetables.

She immediately bought two bougainvillea plants for me to water outside the system.

Criticizing when when they went dry “you don’t know how to care for plants”

She’d soak the plants she brought in my sink where I was doing dishes.

She made the analogy that by refusing to care for difficult plants that I couldn’t care for my son.

This was proof to her.

One night after not caring or not feeling the guilt that was being put on me so harshly.

She broke my sprinkler system it was ripped up. A lawn chair was set on fire.

She came back the next day “ oh I guess an animal did it “

The more I talked about the happy life I wanted the more shame she attached.

She called me selfish for choosing my gay girlfriend over my son!

No Mary is my friend, but I do want to be with a girlfriend soon. I was writing poems about 

My mermaid…. One who comes to the garden… repetitive poems.

I’ll never have a man in my bed and When I said I would never need a man for the rest of my life I meant it.  She was furious.

One night in the kitchen she told me “ oh yeah well I had sex with my mother”

It was so nonchalant and scary.

After that I knew I needed my documents back that she was holding hostage.

I called aunt sue, I had Mary for support. 

I went to acupuncture and told Barbara: I need my documents now.

She spent four hours explaining to me why that would be a very bad idea how she needed to put on 

Kid gloves for me.

She brought over the documents but kept me waiting for just one more thing.

She was helping me.

She yelled at me and wouldn’t let go, psychically my home was a mess!

There were so many justified reasons why I could go along with her plan for the rest of my life.

Me and Mary prayed.

We made a lasagna. We lit Shabbat candles.

I knew the only way for Barbara to leave was to say I loved her that her ideas were great that I know I’m disabled it’s really hard.

Let’s put the documents in the kitchen now.

My life was finally my own.

She wanted some lasagna. I got a paper plate with a plastic fork and stuck it in.

Sending her out the door with a smile.

I knew my mother would be proud of me. I felt like I’d slayed a dragon.

It was a temporary victory as I didn’t know the harm she could cause.

I decided to go to Prescott at this point. I moved there to detox and re configure my health.

Chris took ray and I lived there.

That’s where I’ll leave it this morning. It’s time for coffee.