I don’t know

 The power of I don’t know.

I don’t know. The crystals and searching, I don’t know. The people and magic, I don’t know. The water and the meditation, I don’t know.

My home with me stewing in it. Soaking in my exsistence. I don’t know. I release this into freedom.

This other life I knew about but was afraid to live. I don’t know.

The people I gave my energy to in huge cobalt Angel arms. I don’t know.

I am doing laundry. In my ordinaryness. What I do know is dishes and soap and cleaning and tightening.

Not for the sake of anyone’s love or approval. As I am a mother with my own ways.

I am here with crystals after the old ones held all the answers.

The crystals that painted rainbows over me 

And all the problems I prayed to erase

With those problems gone so did their crystals

Guiders of my enlightenment that frequency would no longer match mine

Now.

As a slate reveals clear light in contrast to what once was a tangled path full of weeds.

This stone path I know because it is me. I only really have me.

These tangles I prayed to let go of I have to release without thinking

As instant karma dropped 

In one minute

As I cut a clear path 

people in my way were chosen 

This I did not know. 

Who and why and how they were like jewels in my heart

There is no why

There is no when

I am eating tangerines with no compost pile

What seemed like yesterday was months ago

The valley farm down the street from Ray

I knew I had to start this life but oh I feel duality!

Barbara and mom and Chris’parents and the tangle I did cut through

For here

For peace

Guilt on my shoulders

Now I go back to the state of unknowing

Of un-tethering 

What once was a file in my head

So deep it gave me an ache

One by one the objects go in the goodwill box

The photos the evidence

I hear a calling to go to the place of I don’t know

A spring branch will be green and grow

In the synapses in the neurons that aren’t stone

Happiness is a journey shared with lightness

My face lights up and I give it away

Tips and tricks to get there are shared with only my love

My dearest

And even then there is the space of freedom

In the wheel of dharma

Yoga sweat moments of clarity

For this I let go

For this I remain in the space of spring growing

Another pot

Another glass of water

Clear in my mouth cool to heal all 

Sweet water roses