Sometimes the only thing you can control is eating & drinking water

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“I am strong. I am capable. I am ready”
-what moms best friend used to write on post it notes for me. 

Now it’s true. Even if I had to stop talking to her. 

 Sometimes that pumpkin cold brew from Starbucks and a giant ice green tea is a real cute for sadness. It’s true. 

Chris’s brother is a woodworker. There’s a pile of wood on the corner as the family there is also moving. 

I didn’t text. 


I ordered a burrito and Izzy soda from chipotle.to eat on the front steps of the demolition zone that used to be my studio. 


Change is physical right now. Change is emotional. 

Change so much change. 


It is not right to shame or hate the people who 

We’re mean or wronged me. I have to take note and have enlightenment in my self that they sent me on this path and that. I am grateful for this. 

Acceptance. It’s not all black & white. 

There’s grace here today. 


This painting was given to me by someone who gifted me the knowledge of how shitty the art world is 

What once was such a big deal to me, his fame and him gifting me this painting that I had watched him paint years prior. 

It was a psychic gift. 

Sometimes maybe (even if after many many years) people in life are psychic gifts. 

Moms best friend gave me slippers. 

She really wronged me but gave me the wisdom of 

Keeping my finances private and to rely more on myself for the life I want. (Because no one else can do that but me)

Chris was my prayers answered for stability and family in a time where it wasn’t safe to be myself. He kept me alive and in friendship together we raised a son. 

I have no difficulty or bitterness at creating the life with him I did. It seemed so impossible to me bringing Ray in. A mountain of physical work (for him much easier)

I am going back to Pasadena for peace. I think everyone knows that. Even Chris. 

So there is really nothing to explain. In calmness and grace I am going through today.

Taking down one studio and building another. 

Far from the log cabin ceiling where I floated away. And into a place on my two feet. Balanced. 

When I’m with my girlfriend I feel balanced. My legs pop with real ion. I see what it means to physically be in a relationship and how nice it is. 

I am really me. 

This work although it’s demanding. Is worth it today. 

Clearing the house of junk is clearing g my head of junk. 


Love me, on the third day of moving stuff.

-Sarah 




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