Tim’s writing on love

 [a few loose pages]

Sex takes an important part in both love and infatuation. In infatuation sex takes precedence in the relationship. In love, the interpersonal and sex needs are balanced by the partners’ needs.

A way you can tell if it’s love is knowing the person for a length of time and accepting them for who they are.

Some of the qualities which make a good combination in a mate are a sense of humor, attractiveness, perseverance, resilience, self-discipline, and most important, and emotionally mature and integrated personality.

The emotionally mature person is reasonably objective in his point of view. He sees himself as a part of a larger group as well as seeing himself as an individual. He can make decisions, concessions, and compromises when necessary. He is independent and realistic, and accepts responsibility for his actions. He can make plans and follow them through. He endures discomfort and pain when necessary and is capable of sacrifice for those he loves. You are mature when you are intellectually curious. You are a seeker of truth, you are a possessor of poise, and you have the calm serenity of controlled capacity. You trust others and are trusted. You look upon the world without fear. You are secure. You may be disappointed but you are not defeated.

On the contrary, an immature person is an unsound thinker who relies upon prejudice rather than facts. People are immature who seek status through superiority; or stir up intolerance for emotional excitement. When an immature person thinks his mate is always wrong, then compromise isn’t possible and there is little respect for the human dignity and the rights of his partner. As you grow in the ability to care for others more than yourself you are capable of loving.

Maturity is an ongoing process. When we think we are mature, we imply that the process has ended and we have attained our goals. This is an illusion. Some part of our personality is constantly growing - socially, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

The successful love love achieves unity; unity in thought, purpose, and activity, spiritually so as well as socially, intellectually and physically.

Lack of unity does not have to imply arguments and disagreements. It means, however, to be without agreement in regard to important matters.

You could ascertain that I believe in People is necessary in order to be a happy , well adjusted personality. Faith is a gift from God. Faith can increase and become a part of us as we put it into practice.

Love is a developmental task. The healthy individual as he grows and develops starts at the stage of self-love in infancy when he demands attention and fulfillment of his news whether this includes food, warmth, or being loved. As he grows, he progresses through the stages of loving his mother, father, brothers and sisters and relatives, then he loves friends of the same or opposite sex, people older and younger he. Finally he attains the mature love of man for woman.

Growth in love development is not inevitable. It may be that some people get stuck or fixated at one level of love development and stay there. To grow in our ability to love is a lifelong process. We actually learn to love. Consider the person who seeks to be loved without giving love and then comes to the realization that one must give love to receive love.