Floating

 Floating. Wanting. I am old now to be naive.

Poppy tincture and ginseng.

An herb from Henry. Acupuncture. 

The rock I assigned to Tim in his memory.

What my mother must have felt to raise me so strongly.

My relationship attachment style as it’s popular to notice now.

It’s wondering why everything is a distraction from sex.

The hope for new life 

All things I thought I could hold.

I don’t know how to fight.

I’m almost there give me a chance. 

Am I not fast enough?

Let me lay and hide. No I can’t do that anymore.

Hiding in my solitude was not a good plan.

It left me floating. Such pain. Time is slow or fast?

I must learn to play the game.

Put me on pills. Speed.

Mother was right?

More speed?

I could have hidden in the closet forever.

I could have fallen in love again with another love bombing southern Belle. 

I could have happily been a monk.

I remember golden moments of family and community together.

Glowing beautiful hearts full and joyful. How and where to find this love.

And. To give everything to share it.

What is money without love. 

Love with my love.

Love. Cover me in sex and love. Cover my body like honey.

Hold me at night and kiss in the morning. Weighted buckwheat pillows.

Sunlight through my window. Pale blue 5am. 

Rabbits on cotton. Cover me with you for moments.

Coffee. Sunlight. Cookies.breath. Warm. 

The green house new. My love is new.

Hope.