Flow. A memory. Legs in the forest. Snow. Crisp. New.

 Memory. 

I woke up this morning in a beautiful awesome place with love. Take a bath. Get some food. Water. Pee out water retention. 

Get coffee. I’m remembering in snippets.

And I don’t want to but I do and write it.

A memory.

Pregnancy with ray. ChrisKs family l

I’m typing this as to not feel it to get it out like a pipe cleaner through my brain with a smile on my face.

Open it free it from my eyeballs!   

Oh! Out of my heart. 

Christine says Chris would NEVER GO ON A TRIP SP AWESOME. You’re right.

I say. He never did anything fun. He’d just sit there and I would wonder. Wonder about my exsistence how far off I’ve been going off path. There was nothing to do.

( eyes go double) I am working on healing.

I know and believe in myself. 

I’m a champ.

Memory. Pregnant with Ray. We’re not worried about you….you’ve already made your choices.

It’s the unborn baby we’re worried about. He’s going to hell and we’re very concerned.

Ray was born and they cut me off completely. What I wanted to be included was no longer my reality after I’d worked so hard.

What to do?

Settle in. Settle in until he’s old enough to understand and get him therapy. Work on re establishing my routine. Get him diagnosed with autism. Get him taken care of. Care care care. It’s over for me, just care.

2018 severe heartbreak that left me to acupuncture. 

The long term thing I had. 

It was a thing with her, this person who I loved. But it was wrong because it was. 

6 years I’d known I had to leave it was really getting bad. I must leave. At age 7 I did it.

I am strong I am open I. Am a flower. Shining in the dew. In Oregon crisp winter. 

With love who is not HER. My heart doesn’t go for those kinds of people any more.

Better. Get better. Open. 

I believe.