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Almost two months after NY

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I wrote this in a long document.  Now it’s all here in one place. Horror unleashed. The hell and grime.   May 2024 I leave her. I leave her for making me feel like shit in New York. I cried with diarrhea in every toilet. I braced myself to stop eating because her abuse won’t stop.then she got in a fist fight and I froze. I kept freezing… “ are you just going to stand there???” Yeah… I’m always doing something to piss her off. So then I hide. She hurts me and she gets mad at me crying and being quiet. Why aren’t you having a good time? She picks on everything about me I cant change, my eyesight, my crooked legs. My professional decisions, my friends, my son, My choice to be financially independent and free. I never thought that was a bad thing… I’m not productive and busy all the time by choice. I love peace and order and freedom to choose my time. And? I am not a loser. I pay all my bills. I write and flow and care and love and she doesn’t care enough to really know me. To re...
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Lavender blues

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  I’ve been fasting. I’ve been taking herbs. I’ve been singing mantra. I read and write and light beeswax candles over crystals. I cry.  Certain people would never treat me so badly. Yet she did. I could just stare and freeze when she got into a fist fight with a homeless woman in the subway and I screamed for cops… The road rage and the constant unsatisfaction that could never be satisfied it was sad. And I tried to relieve and lull and feed. We loved each other I loved her… she started to really scare me. My HVAC system, freezer, dishwasher, and water heater all die on the same day. I remember to speak up when I’m uncomfortable.  I did about her to everyone. Just as I’m sure she’s tried to make me look ugly and stupid… They asked and I said it. I spoke from my throat chakra from the rooftops. I really told the truth. Everyone’s shocked at what a scary person she is.  That’s not on me, all I could do was stare and be afraid. Covering her belongings in salt that Reyn...
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Love in love out

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 The love that we receive becomes the love we exude and the more love the more we glow  The glow becomes popularity….the glow our countenance, our energy. I always knew and had to counterbalance this in myself since mom didn’t give it to me. There was an emptiness in my upper stomach. A reticence. A pause. I am ready to let this go. I am ready to face what she did, I’ll answer all the questions. I’ll be brave and flexible like a wave. I am wise.I am knowing. I heal. I understand. I hold. I am held.  There is grace of my heart. There is peace in my studio.  There is love.  Love is real. I have it now. I am not alone. I am not hungry. I am not searching with hands out fearful as I was as a young girl. 20 yrs old and feeling so so cold. I am 38 with the option to grow and love and smile and feel the full beauty of my own warmth and joy. The joy of being a friend, being someone who loves. I love myself. I wear crystals and hug my brother. I speak! When I’m questioni...
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