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 For good I am happy. I feel happy. 

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Almost two months after NY

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I wrote this in a long document.  Now it’s all here in one place. Horror unleashed. The hell and grime.   May 2024 I leave her. I leave her for making me feel like shit in New York. I cried with diarrhea in every toilet. I braced myself to stop eating because her abuse won’t stop.then she got in a fist fight and I froze. I kept freezing… “ are you just going to stand there???” Yeah… I’m always doing something to piss her off. So then I hide. She hurts me and she gets mad at me crying and being quiet. Why aren’t you having a good time? She picks on everything about me I cant change, my eyesight, my crooked legs. My professional decisions, my friends, my son, My choice to be financially independent and free. I never thought that was a bad thing… I’m not productive and busy all the time by choice. I love peace and order and freedom to choose my time. And? I am not a loser. I pay all my bills. I write and flow and care and love and she doesn’t care enough to really know me. To re...
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All of it singing… pondering. A. THE BOX.

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 I visited you in my mind today. I saw you in a chair across from me The art I would make you what it would look like what I would write about your eyes as they met mine. A box to write, you are just a box. Things your hands touched are in this box I eat strawberry wafers and lemon hot water with ginger and I think of your. Gait. Remember L? My love for her! And no one could know.  The Christmas card and my bitter lesbian heart flowed out in every loop. The lies and the secrets she gave me only to pull them away. With these objects she touched and it’s all about love. Love that is above my head like a silver blimp. It w as never real. Wave a pride flag and watch me sink into her face. Snapshots in time of them and me and how I felt. How little they gave me. How far I jumped. How people are messengers and when they leave the love remains…. Not my picture memory holding onto these shreds timeless in their representation breeding stagnancy. Get rid of it! Get rid of this junk no ...
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Lavender blues

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  I’ve been fasting. I’ve been taking herbs. I’ve been singing mantra. I read and write and light beeswax candles over crystals. I cry.  Certain people would never treat me so badly. Yet she did. I could just stare and freeze when she got into a fist fight with a homeless woman in the subway and I screamed for cops… The road rage and the constant unsatisfaction that could never be satisfied it was sad. And I tried to relieve and lull and feed. We loved each other I loved her… she started to really scare me. My HVAC system, freezer, dishwasher, and water heater all die on the same day. I remember to speak up when I’m uncomfortable.  I did about her to everyone. Just as I’m sure she’s tried to make me look ugly and stupid… They asked and I said it. I spoke from my throat chakra from the rooftops. I really told the truth. Everyone’s shocked at what a scary person she is.  That’s not on me, all I could do was stare and be afraid. Covering her belongings in salt that Reyn...
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