Idea. Retrying Pasadena. Away from them….me. New idea. Idea.

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 Things like dim sum for birthday but controlling the food, who eats food. Who has…. Fulfillment…. Rules… rules that I am not priveledge to know. Left out. gifts food…..things objects just as physical representations of needs without emotional attachment or fulfillment with them. Without social interaction. It was just stuff but no kindness or interactions. What a bizarre….Emptiness. 

His family. 

How I lived for 18 years….


They spoke of stuff they spoke of food, they spoke of privelledge?

No……. Idea. It was life things needed for life. They were twisted, their meaning. And I was so uncomfortable I was sick.

Telling me one thing, doing another. 

Who gets to know information, who doesn’t?


I don’t know if you’ve heard but……

Is it about stuff?

Oh okay I can buy stuff, I can grow beans! Do I belong now?


No, it was…. My stepped on heart…..?


Laundry. Dishes. It’s hard work!! No it’s not? It’s life……


I wanted to live life.



I am working on this. …….


Will you and Ray watch my plants?


Chris Sent me this photo

I say thank you so much you guys did a great job smiley face 😊 




Without telling me he is taking the job in the valley, assuming every other weekend is my life with ray. He does this on instagram. No conversation. 


He is not well. 


I must move on to be healthy. I love myself. I love my heart. The truth sets me free. 

Acupuncture herbs. Strength. 


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