On abuse. Clarity. A.

 

Life is so easy now.

Memory.

He wanted control over my life then used that as an excuse to say I was useless or became mad when he HAD to do something for me.

He said my wife is basically useless.

Everything was so annoying, so many roadblocks to do anything. Laundry, dishes, he’d make it so hard. Making more rules.

Going anywhere I wanted to go was you can’t just go anywhere you want.

All you want to do is follow me anywhere just so you can go places.

You just want to leave the house!

Maybe you can go on trips if you…..

Having my own money and life choices was so bizarre to them…

I’d once said I have my own money and I do what I want!

Chris mother spit out her food at the table.

You can buy a house? Here? Yeah sure.

She turned pale and creeped out.

I felt so weird, what’s the problem? Should I just shut my mouth?

I spent most of the time spent in that family with a shut mouth. Quiet and in the corner.

Why speak?

Then the cat, the sleep deprivation. Running a home and family on no sleep and wondering why I was so tired.

The sink was full of trash jars, plastic cups, wash it all. We don’t use the dishwasher.

More dishes add more dishes.

Blocking in the laundry with clutter and piles. 

It’s all your fault! Everything’s YOUR fault!

I now no longer wonder why, there is no pain. I let them go. The length of time doesn’t matter.

Because I got to a place that is better for me.

Now I feel free. I don’t find it hard to do housework or cooking at all. The way I live life is actually very useful. I am caring and my care and love is worth my girlfriend and me, ray. The dog. 

The pantry is organized and I feel at home in my body.

I cared for chicken with no problems.

This reminds me that the problem in my life was fear of Chris’s anger.

I am not afraid to live anymore. 

There’s a Jewish story I remember if you’re stressed out about having a small home add a cow in your house and then a horse after they’re gone you’ll feel free. Something like that it’s a story…..

A fable. The moral is after working full speed normal life seems easier.

I had a lot of practice at full speed. I’m becoming less jaded and more grateful. ❤️🙂