KUPERGRASS

 

 

 

 

 She let out her demons on me and I saved her life. Compassion and patience I light incense. Good morning. Over shortbread with pressed flowers. After my hair is stiff from thespa and salt and sweat and cacao and mushrooms.  Black clothing and trip to England. Heal my heart.  It is good to save someone’s life.  And I return to me. The round face and eyes. My crooked legs and lazy eye. And people who love me. To the forests of the world where I sing OM.  Eating money. Hippie parents from the canyon and now I’m here.  Sharing life to ray and all who have loved me. Love lives on we are all who love us.  To share and know love is my gift.  Look at ray and the Shabbat dinners and the house magic.

 Garden of the goddess 

 Broken AC slept with a skunk

  I’ve been fasting. I’ve been taking herbs. I’ve been singing mantra. I read and write and light beeswax candles over crystals. I cry.  Certain people would never treat me so badly. Yet she did. I could just stare and freeze when she got into a fist fight with a homeless woman in the subway and I screamed for cops… The road rage and the constant unsatisfaction that could never be satisfied it was sad. And I tried to relieve and lull and feed. We loved each other I loved her… she started to really scare me. My HVAC system, freezer, dishwasher, and water heater all die on the same day. I remember to speak up when I’m uncomfortable.  I did about her to everyone. Just as I’m sure she’s tried to make me look ugly and stupid… They asked and I said it. I spoke from my throat chakra from the rooftops. I really told the truth. Everyone’s shocked at what a scary person she is.  That’s not on me, all I could do was stare and be afraid. Covering her belongings in salt that Reyna gave me from Topa

It’s all about ray.   

I wrote this in a long document.  Now it’s all here in one place. Horror unleashed. The hell and grime.   May 2024 I leave her. I leave her for making me feel like shit in New York. I cried with diarrhea in every toilet. I braced myself to stop eating because her abuse won’t stop.then she got in a fist fight and I froze. I kept freezing… “ are you just going to stand there???” Yeah… I’m always doing something to piss her off. So then I hide. She hurts me and she gets mad at me crying and being quiet. Why aren’t you having a good time? She picks on everything about me I cant change, my eyesight, my crooked legs. My professional decisions, my friends, my son, My choice to be financially independent and free. I never thought that was a bad thing… I’m not productive and busy all the time by choice. I love peace and order and freedom to choose my time. And? I am not a loser. I pay all my bills. I write and flow and care and love and she doesn’t care enough to really know me. To really talk

 Gradually I know what I want and what I want finds me. Love find me.  I will write what it is and how I want it on giant post it noes. I will sit in soft feathers and hold stuffed animals. Softness gentleness. Simplicity. Clit clit clit clit clit. Water and honey. Love honey.  I will plant love and I won’t stop praying. I am ruthless and will not stop. Pray for miracles. Clit water! Happy yummy love. Real yummy inspiration. The gardens of my heart.  Here’s a portrait of my vulva (now) , wow look how the clit is powder. Oh. Poetic resonance! I’m in disbelief.  Maybe herbal tea will help my loneliness. Or the garden.  Fucking garden beds. The garden. Please god help me.

 I will eat you out. Eventually. Please god and angels help me. She said that and I left. Here’s my clay. It’s wild and from the mountains.

I remember St. Louis  And starting my family. I remember ray and Chris and the small cafe. I remember being alone in the basement and dreaming, having the space to dream.  I will start a family and care for my body and spirit. I dreamed about friends and trips and being loved and family and there were so many things open to me if …I could stay straight and behave in the eggshells. As a quiet shy person…. As someone who should be quiet and shy… And what if I grew confidence? What if there was more? What if I was afraid to sleep in his bed as more than his best friend but what if I said it? So I said it I stared at the ceiling in tears and I was heard again and again. But oh well another day at work. He went to distract himself with alcohol or the climbing gym. I stayed in the basement watching tv and crying. I want to go home please god let me go home. But where is home? And it’s so so cold. Where are the beautiful women? These thoughts rushed through as I made our house cute. I remembe